time to changes

Since last year i didn't enter here. Today, i decided to open it again. Life been changed much; Partner, Family , and friends. The most enjoyable time was during U life. You able to work and live independently , did what you like and decide. No people will scold you , no people will judge u how u handle your life.

However, when i was back to k.l. All change suddenly. The own lifestyle , family relationship on short, become devil. There was a desperate time i ever met. Tears again tears. I really don know why the life become so frustrated. Why all the step in life being uncontrollable. I always asked myself. Why i failed to manage ? especially the relationship with u and mum . I really don understand . I just know all are devils. Luckily, ting gave me some courage and advise. With that, i do believe there always be the chances to change. Change for the better. Till now, i do believe that and i know the direction is there,not far away.

I been worked for more than 6 months in Kim Gary Group. These 10 months life really a up and down feeling and stage toward the job and people there. I always asked myself, what are my direction, what the motto behind , what the desire u have in the company ? Gradually and somehow , i lost the direction. Do my intention too high ? I just felt that , there not mine future company. For the 10 months, i just bring the learning heart toward the job. However, the full commitment was not there till now. I told myself, will not give up. I will keep update myself and looks for others which suit me. The marketing job scope not really there. I know there only starting point for company, but the culture itself can i able to change? ha...not really,man.

For the better, for the best. I will pray. Give me the strength and spirit . I am coming !

没什么事是放不下的，痛了，你自然就会放下

一个苦者找到一个和尚倾诉他的心事。
他说：“我放不下一些事，放不下一些人。”
和尚说：“没有什么东西是放不下的。”
他说：“这些事和人我就偏偏放不下。”
和尚让他拿着一个茶杯，然后就往里面倒热水，一直倒到水

溢出来。
苦者被烫到马上松开了手。
和尚说：“这个世界上没有什么事是放不下的，痛了，你自然就会放下。”

你可能觉得难过
因为无论你对他怎么好他都不领情
他不是看不到他只是装作看不到
或者他根本不想看到
你觉得自己很喜欢他
甚至觉得再没有一个人可以像你那么喜欢他
你用尽全力对他好
把他看的比自己还重要
有什么事情第一个就想到他
联系不到他的时候你担心他担心的快疯了
然而你有没有想过
这并不在你的责任范围
而且很有可能他是在躲着你
他受不了你对他那么好

不要一直发短信给他
不要一直找他
你也许只是想找他说说话
你觉得那很正常不算苛求
但是也许他并不这么想
记住你的想法不代表他的想法
你是真的不求回报的在喜欢他吗
你扪心自问一下
你确定不用他回报什么吗
那为什么你会难过
若是真的一无所求
你又怎么会觉得难过呢
所以别觉得你那么爱他是伟大的
也许她根本不在乎你怎么为他付出
有时候你给他的爱或许是种负担
这种负担只会让他更加想远离你
因为他不想亏欠你
别事事为他担心为他张罗
你觉得他没有你不行
你觉得别人做不到你那么完善
但是你要清楚
你不是他要的那个人
你做的再完善也敌不过人家不做
那个位置本来就不是你的
你何必硬要挤上去呢

你说道理你都懂只是你做不好
喜欢他不是你的错
想关心他不是你的错
控制不住自己不是你的错
但是那是你的方式
人家不一定就能接受你这种所谓无私的爱
所以如果你喜欢他他不喜欢你
那么就请你默默的
别试图让他知道
就算你会难过甚至难过的流泪
就请你默默的
就算是逼自己也好
一定要忍着

傻孩子．
忘了吧．所有你留恋的．你回忆的．你拥有过的．
那些．都已是记忆．
缺失并不可怕．
可怕的．是无法面对．
傻孩子．
你无法轻易忘记放弃．是因为你付出过．
付出了．她就会像柱子一样扎根在心．
不要刻意去逃避．刻意忘记．那只会让你更痛苦．
绕开这个柱子．寻找未来的幸福生活吧．
那里．有你的理想．

傻孩子．
开始新的习惯吧．
习惯．每天一个人生活．
习惯．一个人过生日．一个人行走．
习惯．走过熟悉的路．面对熟悉的景．
你逃不掉．逃不掉的．
那么．就勇敢面对．现实．
现实是．一切．画上了句点．

傻孩子．
勇敢看着镜子中的自己吧．
这个悲伤软弱满面憔悴的自己．
这也是你．成长中的你．
这个你．正在逐渐死去．
新的你．即将重生．
找寻你的路．你的未来．
你知道的．所有的浩劫．都是成长的祭奠．
做最好的自己．即使．一个人．

傻孩子．
好．好．尽情发泄吧．
剥开自己的心．用文字．用声音．用所有能发泄的方式．
泄完了．就要振作．
看吧．你失去的．其实微不足道．
还有那么多人关心着你．以不同的方式．
所以．你并不孤独．
正是这样的失去．让你看清现在所拥有的幸福．

傻孩子．
别哭．别再哭．
不值得．真的．不值得了．
把过去尘封吧．别委屈．别不甘心．别不接受．
开始新的旅程吧．去遇见新的风景．新的际遇．
做你该做的事吧．有很多事．等待着你完成呢．

傻孩子．
生活褪去了曾有的颜色．暂时宁静．
别沉沦在这片宁静里．那会毁掉你．
你要明白．虽然残忍．但这个决定．足够正确．
现在的生活．不是你想要的．
为了你的理想．你必须学会适时放弃．
给对方最好的关怀．就是．变的更好．更强大．更幸福．

现在我对你很好、很好、很好，你不需要、你无所谓、你不在乎，你不珍惜……
当某天，你被伤害，想起我。那时的我再也做不到像现在这样一如既往、不顾一切的对你好了……
因为那时的我，已经将你放低……
原来，放低一个人，最后是被对方逼出来的 .

speechless

just received the call, when heard about it. I felt shocked. speechless suddenly.

Firstly, i felt insecure about it. I really don like to be ''involved'' in same as u told me , indeed, i know, there is the chances. If others people who i don know, i am fine. But, the person, i know.
I told myself, i think enough , it is time to stop. Everytimes when chatting in msn, i admit, from a stranger to a person who indeed nice to talk with. I enjoyed the time. However, from tonight, i should make a distance. Sorry to say, i just feel insecure; when the person involved. I don't like the same words appears in my surrounding. I choose to keep a distance. No choices, sad to say..i just hate it.

pass through 2009....enter 2010....

this two days..ha...is the time to refresh what i had done in year 2009. From Jan till Dec, ha..time pass through very fast.From internship till now in Uni life...the people i had meet..the incident those happened..appreciated! i had come through that..in 2009..thank god!
Whatever incidents happened regardless good or bad, those should be an experience for myself. hmm...some big decision i had make. Thinking back, quite relief with what i had make. Indeed, i always believe, when u lost something, sure u will gain back something in return...depend on oneself how u define the lost and gain.But, it true, these two hold the strong relationship.
However, some targeting plan still in downstream progress..need time to really involved in it. Give me some times, i think should be fine after finished my final year.
The overall progress in 2009 : i give myself 6/10
In coming year 2010..the downstream progress, need to continue...
the final year time table still allow me to take in some tuition class...this maybe will hold on after graduated.
hmm...come to the career, the food industries is huge...very wide, ha..some interesting fields come in my mind..hmm..need do some networking here..ha..
finally, come to the person. Guys, what really happen, will happen.ha..this time,i think, i more clear on that.
2010, hope, aim, targeting....is there.girl,keep move on....everything although seen like same, i think u will discover them.

are u ready?

girl, are u ready?
2day..really felt disappointed in myself..damn shit..yesterday revised till 2 am..but nothing help!! As i can't manage to bring out the point in 2day paper..this marketing paper was challenged! Tat's i can say. 2day, i been killed by this. When started doing the paper, all question were in BM.omg..shit, suddenly can't get familiar with them. My confidence drop to 20%. omg..what really damn was ..total is 100 mark. Objective was 55 and essay was 45. Within 2 hours, u should finished them. That's challenged. Objective question, i really crashed my head on it. Think and think..along the way, my confidence from 20% started to drop..19..15...10...5%...o..no...That's not mine..girl..wake up..i told myself..wake up..what are u doing here!! First time, i felt i had challenged. I had failed to be challenged. The feeling was up and down...When turned on the essay part, yes..the question was good. But, i only have 1 hour to get 45 mark. I don't want to just put in some point. The whole semester, i was studying this marketing ...i want it to be more compact and more point. At last, i failed to complete one of the question 15 mark gone. yes, i angry with myself, why ..why u can manage to do ...is not the mark, is the management. I really failed to manage it well..sad..
After exam, i quickly managed my damn feeling..preparing my things...for the Pahang journey. The cocoa bean..haiz..bad news i received. Since raining recently, i had to wait for the another week.
By the way, my phone line been interrupted..what the heal..i just forgot to pay..and delay for few days..why u close my line. k..maybe is my mistake. But after i done the payment, why i need to wait for so long to restore back my line. Maxis..u really damn..i know, is yr principal ..but u should think..to upgrade yr service too...
Lastly, meet my etiqa's friends. From the conversation and presentation, i really din get much ready..girl..disappointed .You should be ready in every time..

2day, really a experience for me..girl, be ready at every time . In life, we want see the content, i don want the surface..k...please bear in mind. Don't repeat it again...whatever things had been done, can't changed. For the future, please.girl....gambateh!!

My birthday...

last saturday till monday..sweet..ha..quite much of celebration! actually, i din expect the sunday's celebration.Thank guys, miss and love u all..
The saturday nite..really an impress and sweet memory.I had never seen this 'drama' in live. That's reality. That night at station 1, was the birthday of me and another girl whom side beside us . Hmm..the girl ,i think ard age 26 old. That nite, her boyfriend purposed her to marriage him.o..that screen..really unexpected. The girl started to cry when the guy announced in front of the public. omg! brave man..proud of u..tat really not an easy job!! Really..ha..i am thinking , if the girl disagreed with him..how??how sure he was?? a quite touching ending...ha..anyway, still remember chuan keat said: so easy to get the thing done!! ha..not easy to get to the stage of marriage from couple. Many uncertaincy occur between every process..ha..is not easy ..really wish u both..happy beloved !!
That nite, ha..actually quite nice talked with the geng. From that, the distance become more closer and get to know someone. As from the pass, i really don't have much idea about u..ha..but from tat night, many story had been heard..nice.
The sunday's celebration, ting..thank you for that ya. Really sweet and happy when sawing all of the member came and celebrated with me..although was just a dinner. Really appreciated..and i liked the picture u dedicated for me..thank ah..ting! Everyone had changed for the better ..ha..this relationship sure bring us tightly..till the end..haha..

The monday's celebration, ha..quite nice. Since few months din see him.That nite, meet him again. The environment was comfortable and peaceful. That's the environment i wish to have. Be natural.Thank for the dinner, appreciated ! actaully, i din expect u will know and remember my birthday. I was shocked when receiving your sms. ha..anyway, a comfortable date with u..thank you!

All the best for myself..and the coming future. Strive for that!!Gambateh :)

damn nice...

给你

不要把我推开
当坚持像无赖
当钻石也变尘埃
我信 你在
唯有寂寞慷慨
骨牌倒了下来
想安慰找不到对白
那空白
可是我 相信爱
我信异想才有日会天开

可是爱 我相信爱